Blown Away
by Maki-Sensitivity
Summary: Just a little something on Ritsuka's life?


_~There's not enough rain in Oklahoma~_

Things had gotten a lot better Ritsuka supposed. He didn't have to deal with his mothers out burst as much since his father left, now all she really ever did was mope or cry. There were a few occasions where she did attack him, blaming him for her husband running away. Which he knew was kinda true. On one of the rare evenings his father was home, he decided to scold Ritsuka for his behavior towards him and said the words-

"Your mother needs me."

Ritsuka had snapped.

"Need what!? You're never home!"

Ever since then his father, her husband, had never returned, but Ritsuka just wished his mother knew that her husband was just looking, waiting even, for an excuse to leave, probably ever since their youngest son lost his memory. So in away, he supposed, it was his fault. Which was why when his mother attacked him he would let her, at least till she tired out or yelled at him to leave.

 _~To wash the sins out of that house~_

"First Seimei, now your father!"  
"You ruin everything!"  
"I want my Ritsuka back!"  
"I want my baby!"  
"Get out of here!"

 _~There's not enough wind in Oklahoma~_

And so there he was on his bed, doing damage control from one his mothers rare out bursts. They started when he was ten and five years later they are still happening. Ritsuka sighed, briefly wondering if before the memory loss if he had had a normal life. Would he have had a normal life if he didn't lose his memories? No probably not. Not with his brother.

 _~To rip the nails out of the past~_

Seimei. Beloved. One who is loved. It suited him well was Ritsuka's first thought, after all he loved his brother very much. His voice, his warm eyes, his arms when he would hold and protect him, like a good brother should. He was always good brother. Helping and teaching him. Caring for him when no one else seemed to. Oh how much he wished to be like his brother, tall and strong.

 _~Shatter every window 'til it's all blown away~_

His brother, who for all of his life, or at least what he could remember from it, was kind and gentle. Little did he know how sick and twisted he could be, even now he knew very little of that side of his brother. All he knew of his darker side is what Kio had told him. He tried asking Septimal Moon, but they refused to say anything about Seimei's crimes for it was _'Classified'_ and _'On a need to know basis'_ , but he was Seimei's brother, so didn't he need to know? Whatever, after finding out the truth about what happened there, regarding Soubi, Ritsuka didn't feel like being around anyone of them, not even if it was a conversation over the phone. Sure it had been Ritsu who had hurt and damaged him, but everyone else _knew_ and they didn't do anything stop him or help Soubi.

 _~Every brick, every board, every slamming door blown away~_

Soubi. He hadn't seen or heard from him in over three years. Since the day his brother practically ripped him away, for who knows what reasons. He remembered crying when he left. Crying after he left. Crying when remembered he left. Now he didn't, now he would feel one of two things, bitterness or sadness, either way he did still feel the same pain he felt when he watched Soubi walk away. Occasionally, at random times, he would feel that same feeling. That same pain. Could it be Soubi? Were they connected? He had called Soubi that one time when fighting Nisei. Maybe they were connected, on some level. If they were that would mean he had a chance to come back, right? He had a strong feeling Soubi was still alive after all. He was strong and couldn't be defeated. There was also the fact that Soubi paid for his phone and as it still worked that meant he was still alive to pay for it, right? He sure hoped so.

 _~'Til there's nothing left standing, nothing left of yesterday~_

"Ritsuka! Dinner!" A cheerful tone.

It made him feel uneasy about how his mothers moods could flip so quickly, but he would rather have her happy than sad or angry.

"I don't feel well mom."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay." A sulking tone.

He hated being distant from his mother, since he was all she had left, but it was what he had to do to protect himself from her. Capgras delusion is what a doctor called it, but he wasn't quite sure since she didn't hate and attack him every time she saw him. The doctor said it could be a mild case and another said it might even be selective. That just made the teen feel worse, his mother would choose to love him or not?

 _~Every tear-soaked whiskey memory blown away~_

Loveless. Ritsuka cringed. He hated that word. That name. It couldn't be true. People at school liked him, Yuiko being one, along with a couple other girls who had confessed to him, all of who he turned down. He had be burned by love before. Maybe that's why he was Loveless? Because the people he wanted, the people who were supposed to love him didn't. His mother, his father, his brother was a whole other story, and then there was Soubi. Soubi who was ordered to love him, but love can't be ordered, cause then it's not real. Then how come it felt so real? Ritsuka laid back on his bed. Until the day came were his name appeared, then he'll believe he's Loveless, but since that day has yet to come, he'll continue to deny it.

 _~Blown away~_

* * *

 **Author's Note: This was written very quickly and for no real reason:/ Anyway song - Blown Away by Carrie Underwood.**


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